The World According To Me

Have decided to indulge my penchant for numbered blogs by covering a range of topics in dot point. It's a continuing series, I've decided. Of course I'm keeping everyone else in mind by doing this, because you don't have to try and decipher my ramblings and perhaps my thought patterns will take on some sort of coherence. But look, I'm ruining it already.

Things I want to do (or do again) before I get too old/decrepit;

• Spend many many consecutive hours in a hicksville pub drinking beer and playing pool with a cigarette hanging out the side of my mouth (extra points for actually making the white ball connect with any other on the table), in the company of witty and interesting people/person (a la weekend).

• Build my own beer garden and fill it with my wonderful friends. We will have our own jukebox which will double as a karaoke machine and I will also have a buffed barman with no shirt on. I will smoke cigars and just mooch around generally being great.

• Shag a real-life cowboy.

• Devote myself, for a short time at least, to a cause other than myself, to prove to myself that I can be passionate about something worthy. Or, at least, something.
  
• Tell someone I dislike intensely to go fuck themselves (Perhaps without slurring).
  
• Crash a party/function. And not be kicked out.
  
• Buy a property with some surrounding land and rescue many cats and dogs from the RSPCA.
  
• Wear a bikini. In public. (And not be pushed back into the sea by well-meaning greenies or have a mother explain to her 4 year old while pointing to my thighs "That’s where cottage cheese comes from").