The World According To Me

Kymmy: Hello?

Mum: Hi love, it's mum

Kymmy: Helloooooo…..How's it going?

Mum: Good, how are you?

Kymmy: I'm not too bad, how are you?

Mum: I'm pretty good….so long time no hear?

Kymmy: I saw you last week? That's not all that long…..

Mum: Well, you know, it seems like a long time.

Kymmy: *Pause* Okay.

Mum: Soooo…..what have you been up to?

Kymmy: Just the usual, work, uni, not much else……

Mum: *Pause* That's nice……*giggles*

Kymmy: *Realising her Mother is sounding like her IQ has dropped 40 points* RIGHT. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU?

Mum: Well, I've just spent the weekend down at your grandmother's….

Kymmy: *Wonders if this explains sudden onset of mum-giggles* Oh? How is she?

Mum: She's fine, yes fine. Well, actually, I just couldn't wait to ring you. *Dramatic pause* I've met somebody *giggles again*

Kymmy: Already? Who is it?

Mum: Well, it's someone I used to know 28 years ago.

Kymmy: "Know"? Right, tell me everything.

Mum: *More giggles*

Kymmy: Jesus Christ, just tell me….

Mum: Well, when I was 21 I was seeing this guy, we were the love of eachother's lives. But the timing just wasn't right and when we split up I took off to Western Australia, met your dad and had you…..but I never really got over him, never really fell out of love with him….

Kymmy: How was the timing not right?

Mum: Well…..at the time….he was married.

Kymmy: HE WAS WHAT?

Mum: Yes, well….but you know, he didn't love her.

Kymmy: No, obviously not if he was banging you!

Mum: *Stern tone* Kymmy….

Kymmy: Sorry, seeing you. Continue…

Mum: Well, after all this time he heard that I was single. So he got my number from directory assistance and called me.

Kymmy: What did you do when the phone rang and it was him?

Mum: Sat down. Very quickly. Anyway, as it turns out he's separated from his second wife and so we went and had coffee on Saturday for an hour to catch up.

Kymmy: Lovely!

Mum: And then we went for a drive to Daylesford on Sunday. We climbed up the top of Mount Franklin and on the way down I fell in a hole.

Kymmy: Ha ha ha, that's very typical. I think you passed that gene onto me.

Mum: And then we held hands for the rest of the way down.

Kymmy: Awwwwww

Mum: And then we kissed at the bottom of the Mountain.

Kymmy: Ewwwwww.

Mum: And on Monday we went out again.

Kymmy: Again? You haven't slept with him have you?

Mum: No! Not yet…..

Kymmy: Good, keep your pants on.

Mum: Well, I'm a little bit hesitant because…you know….things have…well….dropped over time.

Kymmy: Okay, that's enough.

Mum: But I'm not too worried about the 'S', because back then it was pretty fantastic…*laughs*…so I don't think it will have changed….

Kymmy: Okay, really that's enough…

Mum: *giggles* and….

Kymmy: Lalalalalalalalala I'm not listening…..

Mum: He used to…..

Kymmy: Okay, mum I have to go….speak to you later…..

Mum: But…..

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