The World According To Me

To my year 8 Social Studies teacher in Cairns - Why did you keep me back after that class to tell me that you thought I had a bad attitude towards you? I'd barely said a word in your class, up until that point I quite liked you, and I'd never ever had any negative feedback about any class, teacher or otherwise. I am still bewildered.

To my mum - Did you know it was a bad idea to marry him at the time? Even at 9 years old I didn't like him and I like him a lot less now.

To my brain - Why won't you stop buzzing at night when I am trying to get to sleep? I don't want to think about shit all the time. A little blankety-blank time would be nice of an evening.

To the bloke in school with the initials B.G. who thought he was teh shit - Do you have a major drug habit and are riddled with syphilis now? Ha, thought so.

To the bloke who was standing behind me when I defended that shot last night at netball. Yeah you, the one who I accidentally kicked in the nuts - DID YOU NOT FIND IT HILARIOUS? And also, why did you completely ignore me when I apologised? Yeah, I was laughing when I said 'Sorry', but you could at least have acknowledged me. I don't like your kind, the ones who missed the sense of humour gene.

To my Dad - What happened to you to make you so cold?

To my beloved Grandmother - Does the secret to your longevity and exquisite loveliness lie in drinking Port and smoking Alpine One's every day? If I do the same will every member of my family adore me and look after me when I'm old? (Hope so!)

To Pom - Do you ever get tempted to tell me to pull my head in when I get all sooky and stampy and behave like a petulant child? (I mean, don't do it, but I'm curious. x)

To Lucy - WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LITTLE MIND? (Subject of much speculation in the Kymmy and Pom household. I almost don't want to know the answer to it). Also, what do you see when you do that weird thing where your tail points out and your ears prick up and you intently stare at nothing?

To Cadbury's - Do you think you could make those mini Easter eggs all year round? I am quite fond of them.