The World According To Me

Yes, so there's been a slight hiatus in my blogging - not for any particular reason other than it's been hellishly busy of late and I have also felt a tad lazy and uninspired when I have had the time to post….

Enough with the excuses and on with the inane dribble! Tallyho!

In the past week I have;

Watched a friend play proper (club) netball while eating a chicken steak sandwich and sipping a cup of bad coffee, being buffeted by an icy cold gale. I chose to wear thongs and my toes went a weird purple colour. But I still felt sorry for the players who are required to wear terribly skimpy lycra dresses with built-in jocks. Oh the humanity.

Purchased the following; pretty, new, pathetically girly bra & knickers set which are sky-blue and have flowers on them and which make me very happy; a new pair of black pants for work which don't quite fit just yet (BUT THEY WILL); a pair of black (now bear with me here, it's a bit difficult to describe) pants which are sort of ¾ and sort of a bit shorter than that. All I know is when I wore them with knee high boots yesterday I felt slightly old-skool Black Eyed Peas; A new harness for Lucy which she is still getting used to because it actually fits around her head and works on the concept that if she pulls too hard, it will put pressure across the bridge of her nose, which apparently dogs don't like. Mostly it's working a treat and she has suddenly transformed into a manageable pooch to walk, instead of being dragged by a steam train around the streets of Shepparton. It's like doggy power-steering; A new set of scales which aside from telling you your weight, also calculate your body-fat percentage and your hydration levels. Beauty, I think, something else to get obsessive about. Except, for me, for some stupid fucked-up reason, they won't tell me anything aside from how much I weigh. When it goes to calculate anything else, it just comes up with an error message that does not appear in the instruction manual. Maybe I'm 95% fat and it's blowing the machine's mind.

Starting jogging. Well, interval jogging (walking then jogging then walking then jogging etc). My aim is to be able to run around the lake (3kms) without stopping. This is pretty unthinkable for a relatively lazy, heavily smoking lass such as myself, but I can dream. At the moment the most I'm able to do in one stretch is about 300m, then my chest starts to burn and my shins start to shoot from the ankle to the knee with pain. Then I stop.

Turned 25. I used to announce to everyone within earshot that my birthday was coming up for months prior to the actual day. This year, I didn't really tell anyone. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that people still remembered and that was lovely. Stevo called, I got some gorgeous gifts and a beautiful carrot cake baked by my colleagues and Pom spoiled me with an MP3 player and a special delivery at work of an arrangement of 12 red roses which I could barely carry. DO YOU NOT LOVE IT? The night of my birthday I played netball and then had stodgy pasta with the team afterwards. It was pleasant, low-key and I liked it that way. I'm learning more and more about myself all the time.

Celebrated Eurovision in the most wonderful way - at a party which had the theme 'Sausages of Eurovision'. There was drinking, laughter, horror, innumerable types of animal product, great people and an erroneous sweepstakes (less countries in the hat than were actually in the competition, and some of the countries that were in the hat weren't actually part of Eurovision. Or Europe. It happens every year). Next year I have suggested there be a Eurovision drinking game which may include sculling for every act who's costumes are predominantly white, a shot of Ouzo for every time a botoxed songstress rips of her skirt to reveal a shorter skirt/hot pants/knickers and a double shot if this on-stage costume alteration coincides with a heart-wrenching key change. Also shots for when Terry Wogan takes the piss out of an act before it comes on and/or presenters of other countries during the vote tally.

We'll be maggoted within the first 15 minutes in I reckon.