The World According To Me

Time-line of Melbourne Cup Day 2005.

6am: Jump out of bed, shower, make-up, straighten hair, frock up.

8am: In car on way to friend's place/take-off point.

9am: Pop the bubbly.

10.30am: Arrive at Echuca racetrack, smuggle in bottles of 'water' past security.

12midday: Last of the big spenders "Can I put $5 each way on the horse with the prettiest colours?"

1pm: Blind drunk. Quite sunburned.

3pm: Shhhwwaaat? What race? Ooooh, horsies…..

4pm: Glad for having packed picnic blanket for a little lie down. Don't close eyes. Don't close eyes. Should I really be lying down in this dress? Oh well, no option.

5.30pm: Girls and I catch lift back into town with an actual jockey. In his jockey car. Make many short jokes despite possibility of being left by the road.

6pm - infinity: Blur.



Melbourne Cup Day 2006.

9.30am: Wake up from pleasant sleep in.

10am: Run lovely bubble bath and languish in it until my toes get wrinkly.

11am: Alternatively make myself coffee and smoke.

1.30pm: Watch Oprah.

2.30pm: Back to bed for 'just a tiny bit' to refresh eyes.

4.30pm: Race? What race?

5pm: Do load of washing.

7pm: Eat dinner.


Conclusion: I am officially a boring old fart.