Sunday, April 27, 2008
The most nanna-ish of all nanna weekends
And how wonderful it was.
Friday I was hangover free. Hurrah! One housemate had left for Melbourne the eve before and the other was headed down to visit friends on Friday morning. I stood on the front porch in my pj's and waved as her car drove off, waited until the car was out of sight, then raced inside and turned the stereo up full bore (I had the J's on, they were playing the new Pendulum song - I'm not usually one for drum & bass but it was auspiciously perfect for my mood) and started doing a little happy dance/fit. Time to myself! Yay! I was going to do a sweet lot of fuck-all, all weekend. With no-one cramping my style! Yay! I do love my housemates, don't get me wrong, but almost 3 days of peace with no-one talking to me/changing channels every 6 seconds/messing up the kitchen - it was going to be sweet!
I kept dancing/fitting and moving from the loungeroom, to the kitchen to the bathroom, back to the loungeroom where the Pendulum track finished and Guts' "And The Living Is Easy" started. I luuurrrvve that song. I love that song and I had the house to myself and it was a long weekend and it was very much still the morning so I had a whole day ahead of me so what better reason that to whip one's top off and carry on dancing in pj pants and a sports bra? I can't think of any better reason. I danced into my bedroom whereby the funk almost immediately left me when I spied myself in the mirror. Ewwww.
I have posted about how my recent non-smoking attempt has had me exercising a lot more than I had been (but then again, 1 is a lot more than 0, so perhaps not so impressive), mainly to provide a healthy distraction which doesn't involve me shovelling everything I can find into my mouth or emptying my already empty bank account. I have been doing a shit-load of walking and recently joined my housemate V at circuit classes. I find Circuit to be very cheesy, some nights it's more like a sheltered workshop than a gym class and V and I are pretty much the youngest participants, sometimes by about 20 years. However, there's no denying that it gets the heart going and leaves me a bit sweaty at the end which can only be a good thing. It is a great foray into cardio for me.
(As an aside, I was telling my other housemate, who is thin and sporty and has no problem catching her breath when exerting herself, how proud I was of myself going to Circuit. This is primarily because in my other gym-goin' times, I have always stuck to weights-focused or flexibility focused classes, like BodyPump or BodyBalance. This is because I already know I am strong and I know I am reasonably flexible and have the ability to go to those classes without failing miserably. I would never, ever have contemplated a Step class or something like that prior to now. Step is next on my hit-list).
I also cooked and ate and watched some tele and Facebooked and read blogs and did housework and purchased Jiff (how have I lived before knowing the wonder of Jiff?!) and sorted through old clothes and made an impressive donation of same to St Vinnies. There are many more clothes to sort through but I need to do these things gradually. Also I definiteatly have to start on which shoes I am going to throw away/give to St Vinnies but to be truthful, this particular task fills me with dread. I truly love all of my shoes, even those that I had forgotten I owned and/or those I have never worn. Truly.
All in all I feel really motivated and excited and positive which is more than I can say of the last year or so, for the most part.
The only bugbear is that since the connection of the nets at home I have severely neglected my reading and this annoys me greatly. From my current vantage point (propped up in bed) I can see the following which require my attention;
Thursday night I got my brave on and accepted an invitation to have dinner with some people who I, for no particular reason, don't tend to socialise with very much any more. In the past few years I have drifted away from only hanging out with people I knew through work. I guess this partly results from living in this town for longer and finally meeting people who don't tend to discuss clients and case-law and the mood the Magistrate was in at Court that day, which can be nice. But it also helpful to have people with whom you can debrief a particularly shit work day, who understand what's going on in your work-world. In any event, I went and had dinner and drinks with these friends/acquaintances and it was really, very nice. I am further pleased to be reminded that I can go out and not get screamingly shickered and have a good time. I did know this, however recent form would suggest otherwise.
Friday I was hangover free. Hurrah! One housemate had left for Melbourne the eve before and the other was headed down to visit friends on Friday morning. I stood on the front porch in my pj's and waved as her car drove off, waited until the car was out of sight, then raced inside and turned the stereo up full bore (I had the J's on, they were playing the new Pendulum song - I'm not usually one for drum & bass but it was auspiciously perfect for my mood) and started doing a little happy dance/fit. Time to myself! Yay! I was going to do a sweet lot of fuck-all, all weekend. With no-one cramping my style! Yay! I do love my housemates, don't get me wrong, but almost 3 days of peace with no-one talking to me/changing channels every 6 seconds/messing up the kitchen - it was going to be sweet!
I kept dancing/fitting and moving from the loungeroom, to the kitchen to the bathroom, back to the loungeroom where the Pendulum track finished and Guts' "And The Living Is Easy" started. I luuurrrvve that song. I love that song and I had the house to myself and it was a long weekend and it was very much still the morning so I had a whole day ahead of me so what better reason that to whip one's top off and carry on dancing in pj pants and a sports bra? I can't think of any better reason. I danced into my bedroom whereby the funk almost immediately left me when I spied myself in the mirror. Ewwww.
Next stop - gym!
I have posted about how my recent non-smoking attempt has had me exercising a lot more than I had been (but then again, 1 is a lot more than 0, so perhaps not so impressive), mainly to provide a healthy distraction which doesn't involve me shovelling everything I can find into my mouth or emptying my already empty bank account. I have been doing a shit-load of walking and recently joined my housemate V at circuit classes. I find Circuit to be very cheesy, some nights it's more like a sheltered workshop than a gym class and V and I are pretty much the youngest participants, sometimes by about 20 years. However, there's no denying that it gets the heart going and leaves me a bit sweaty at the end which can only be a good thing. It is a great foray into cardio for me.
(As an aside, I was telling my other housemate, who is thin and sporty and has no problem catching her breath when exerting herself, how proud I was of myself going to Circuit. This is primarily because in my other gym-goin' times, I have always stuck to weights-focused or flexibility focused classes, like BodyPump or BodyBalance. This is because I already know I am strong and I know I am reasonably flexible and have the ability to go to those classes without failing miserably. I would never, ever have contemplated a Step class or something like that prior to now. Step is next on my hit-list).
Anyway, I rocked up to the gym and it was virtually empty. I guess that other people were doing more exciting things with their long weekend, like going away, or sleeping in. My gain. I did a warm-up on the bike, then the parts of the weights circuit that I could remember from the last time I did weights (circa. 1879 judging by how my body reacted) which took about 25mins then I eyed off each of the pieces of cardio equipment to size up which one would cause me the least amount of sorrow. Saddled up on the recumbant bike, turned my mp3 player up to "deaf by 30" and cracked hardy. In the old days of gymming (06? 05 even?) I would set the bike to a Hill or Interval program and a reasonably difficult intensity setting, then as soon as the first 'hill' hit my quads would scream and I would start to get puffed so would crank it down again and pootle away for the remainder of the 20 minutes being a wee bit disappointed with myself. But that was the Old Kymmy With No Lung Capacity Or Real Tenacity (dudes that so rhymes). This time I put it on the Interval program, set the intensity to 10 (out of 20, don't get excited) and did the whole thing maintaining an RPM of 80 - Hurrah!! When I finished I was puffing, but it wasn't the beyond-the-point-of no-return kind of breathless so I soldiered on to my old nemesis the treadmill. To cut a long story short I got a bit excited a did some running. Not for long mind you, only 2 minutes and then 2 1/2 minutes and then 2 minutes again, within the 20 minutes that the treadmill is set for. But I actually ran/jogged/shuffled! I was and am so pleased. When I had done the requisite stretching (which I never usually do unless it's incorporated into a class), walked out to my car and caught sight of my face in the rearview mirror I was so red I would not have looked out of place in a giant tin of beetroot.
The rest of the weekend was spent in a beautifully lazy fashion, aside from one time on Saturday afternoon when I blew the cobwebs off the treadmill I have at home and did a whole hour of it including more running (!) and using the dreaded incline function. Again, tomato face afterwards but I did not feel like I was going to die and this is the important difference between now and the old pretendy fitness days when I was too scared to try very hard.
I also cooked and ate and watched some tele and Facebooked and read blogs and did housework and purchased Jiff (how have I lived before knowing the wonder of Jiff?!) and sorted through old clothes and made an impressive donation of same to St Vinnies. There are many more clothes to sort through but I need to do these things gradually. Also I definiteatly have to start on which shoes I am going to throw away/give to St Vinnies but to be truthful, this particular task fills me with dread. I truly love all of my shoes, even those that I had forgotten I owned and/or those I have never worn. Truly.
All in all I feel really motivated and excited and positive which is more than I can say of the last year or so, for the most part.
The only bugbear is that since the connection of the nets at home I have severely neglected my reading and this annoys me greatly. From my current vantage point (propped up in bed) I can see the following which require my attention;
- A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson (147 pages in);
- Allan Carr's Easy Way To Stop Smoking - Allan Carr (35 pages in);
- Choosing Happiness - Life and Soul Essentials - Stephanie Dowrick (0 pages in);
- Atonement - Ian McEwan (9 pages in);
- On Chesil Beach - Ian McEwan (0 pages in).
- Saturday's Age (untouched);
- Sunday's Age (untouched).
I recently put three partially read books, The Life of Pi, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, and a biography of Frank Sinatra (title or author I can't recall and I dont want to get out of bed because I'm all cosy), back on the shelf because they were literally gathering dust on my side tables. I have never had such literary ADHD before and it unnerves me somewhat.
But if that's the least of my worries then life is pretty sweet.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
The non-smoking is going reasonably well. I am no longer counting how many hours it has been; the integers have stretched into days. This is positive. It has been 10 days today. This is by far the furthest I have ever gotten to without randomly bursting into tears or wanting to cause harm to others with a strategically placed fork, before relapsing back into the comforting familiarity of a packet of Malboro Lights each day. There was, however, a semi-planned relapse on the weekend when the issue of getting on the sauce was raised by my housemates on Saturday. I wanted to go out with them, and I wanted to drink, but I was reasonably sure that once I had consumed a few champies that I would probably want to smoke. The semi-plan was that I would not panic if I did smoke. And I did smoke a couple during the night. Sunday I was back off them, and have been back off them until now.
Thus far, the positives of the past ten days have been -
- I am taking far, far less time to do things. I never realised how little time tasks potentially could take if you don't stop for a fag a couple of times along the way. This applies mainly to getting ready for work in the morning, and getting ready to go out to the pub.
- I can smell EVERYTHING! This could potentially go in the list of negatives also.
- My sense of taste has increased too, but not dramatically. The flavour of foods I thought I knew are increasingly revealing new depths.
- I am working out like a demon. I need something to do to distract myself when I would usually smoke. This has involved walking 3kms at lunchtime and visits to the gym almost every night after work. I have re-discovered liking exercise! Definitely aided by;
- Being able to breathe properly. I never really thought that my lung capacity had been affected too badly by smoking and that the fact that I got puffed so easily was because I carry too much weight and just wasn't consistent enough with exercise to have any CV fitness. Since being back at the gym in the last week and a half and not fagging on like I used to, I have had an amazing increase in my lung capacity and stamina. Plus, in the midst of my time-wasting at work/internet research, I discovered some breathing exercises that supposedly help with cravings. It is truly lovely to be able to take what feel like enormously deep breaths. This will apparently continue to improve for a while yet too.
Not so grate, akshully;
- Frequently, I am at a loss as to what to do with myself. This is admittedly quite a general statement, but to clarify, I am learning how to deal with situations where I would have lit up automatically, now without smoking. After getting off the phone to a shitty client, for example, you would inevitably find me out the back of the office sucking furiously on a cigarette. Or when having a coffee, it goes hand in hand with having a smoke for me. So I have had to give up coffee. Which I guess is sort of a good thing. I have been drinking a lot of water, which apparently helps as well, but I am sure that quite shortly someone at work will complain about how many trips to the toilet I make.
- Back to smelling everything….this includes when my smoking colleagues come back in the office from their break and I can almost pinpoint their preferred brand from the smell. At the risk of sounding completely obvious, it smells really bad. Like, really bad. Who knew.
- I have not saved any coin whatsoever. Because I am not spending the money I usually would on cigarettes this apparently gives me the right to BUY THE WORLD. On the upside, I purchased the most beautiful red winter coat yesterday and I just want to look at it and touch it and hold it forever.
- I am getting a little self-righteous about my progress and my new commitment to (relatively) clean living. Which will inevitably set me up for a fall in some way.
- I have been coughing up the most vile shit you can imagine ever coming from your own body. Not to gross you out, but it's brown. And I mean brown. For goodness sake.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Life, as it is right now, is good.
Life, as it is right now, is good in an 'I woke up this morning with perfectly excellent hair' kind of way.
Life, as it is right now, is good in a 'Bom chicka wa wa' kind of way.
Life, as it is right now, is good in a 'I'm not thinking about wanting a cigarette every waking moment' kind of way.
It's a nice change.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
This week has been much less eventful than the last one, everything is intact and everyone survived.
Except right now I'm an angry swirling bundle of oestrogen AND I'm in the middle of another attempt to give up smoking AND caffeine AND I'm getting over a cold that just will not move from my chest so I will post properly at another time.
Be good.
x
Except right now I'm an angry swirling bundle of oestrogen AND I'm in the middle of another attempt to give up smoking AND caffeine AND I'm getting over a cold that just will not move from my chest so I will post properly at another time.
Be good.
x
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I never thought I would say this, but I actually prefer Craig David's version.
Monday - spilt coffee into lap, necessitating a change of clothes. (refer to previous post). It felt like I was back in prep, the day I couldn't negotiate the zip on my hellishly cool tiny acid-wash jeans and wet my pants. Because my mum was working and couldn't pick me up from school I had to rely on lost property and got around for the rest of the day in a pair of dodgy rust coloured tracksuit pants with double-knees (remember those?!). Except this time I didn't actually wet myself, and there were no double-knee trackies. But still. Monday night my team got flogged at netball and I strained a muscle in my arm in the process.
Tuesday - New accounts girl quit on the spot. She was a mole and no-one liked her, so this was good. I get told I am taking over her job until they find a replacement. As well as continuing to fulfil my existing role. No recompense for extra work. Cunts. To make me even more angry, an impromptu office meeting is called and it is announced that I have "put my hand up to take over the accounts work". Lying cunts.
Wednesday - Wake up with a head cold. Spend entire day wanting to rip my nose off my face. Receive phone-call from my Mother telling my that my 15 year old sister attempted to take her own life the night previous. She is physically okay.
Today - Wake up to discover I can hardly breathe as said cold had moved to my chest. Am coughing up weirdness and have to find asthma inhaler, which is now 2 years out of date. Turn on phone to find goodbye message from my two best friends who left the country last night for forever. Had a cry. Turn up to work a little bit late. Forgot there was a whole office meeting scheduled for 8.30. Am forgiven on the basis that I look like shit. Learn that admin staff will no longer be allocated on-site parking. I will have to walk to work every single day. CUNTS.
Tomorrow - Dog will die. I will get fired. Will break a limb/be involved in an accident necessitating amputation of a limb. None of my clothes will fit. Cadbury will announce they are going into liquidation. Will receive huge electricity bill. Hair will fall out.
This week is cocking cocked.
Monday, April 07, 2008
My day started with my knocking a full cup of coffee into my lap, necessitating a trip back home to get changed.
It has not gotten much better.
Please send positive thoughts my way that I can make it to midnight without walking into a street-sign, slipping on a banana skin, or getting tangled up at knee level by dog-leads. It's that kind of day.
Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Yours, still smelling of Moccona,
Kymmy
xxx
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Good Question.
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