The World According To Me

Monday - spilt coffee into lap, necessitating a change of clothes. (refer to previous post). It felt like I was back in prep, the day I couldn't negotiate the zip on my hellishly cool tiny acid-wash jeans and wet my pants. Because my mum was working and couldn't pick me up from school I had to rely on lost property and got around for the rest of the day in a pair of dodgy rust coloured tracksuit pants with double-knees (remember those?!). Except this time I didn't actually wet myself, and there were no double-knee trackies. But still. Monday night my team got flogged at netball and I strained a muscle in my arm in the process.

Tuesday - New accounts girl quit on the spot. She was a mole and no-one liked her, so this was good. I get told I am taking over her job until they find a replacement. As well as continuing to fulfil my existing role. No recompense for extra work. Cunts. To make me even more angry, an impromptu office meeting is called and it is announced that I have "put my hand up to take over the accounts work". Lying cunts.

Wednesday - Wake up with a head cold. Spend entire day wanting to rip my nose off my face. Receive phone-call from my Mother telling my that my 15 year old sister attempted to take her own life the night previous. She is physically okay.

Today - Wake up to discover I can hardly breathe as said cold had moved to my chest. Am coughing up weirdness and have to find asthma inhaler, which is now 2 years out of date. Turn on phone to find goodbye message from my two best friends who left the country last night for forever. Had a cry. Turn up to work a little bit late. Forgot there was a whole office meeting scheduled for 8.30. Am forgiven on the basis that I look like shit. Learn that admin staff will no longer be allocated on-site parking. I will have to walk to work every single day. CUNTS.

Tomorrow - Dog will die. I will get fired. Will break a limb/be involved in an accident necessitating amputation of a limb. None of my clothes will fit. Cadbury will announce they are going into liquidation. Will receive huge electricity bill. Hair will fall out.

This week is cocking cocked.